January 30, 2013

Joey Harbaugh ties off the final surgical stitch and the patient is rolled away into the recovery room.  Joey pulls off his bloodied gloves and drops them into the bin and unties his surgical mask and speaks to the anesthetist.  “Wow!  That temporal lobe was a doozy, wasn’t it?”

“It was, Dr. Harbaugh.  But you handled it.  You always handle it, Dr. Joey Harbaugh.”

Joey nods and smiles.

“Thanks, Binky.  But it’s not about me.  It’s about the team.  And the patient.”

Binky has a tear of worship and love in his eye.

“Yes, Dr. Harbaugh.”

Joey pats Binky on the shoulder and walks down the long hospital corridors stretching his aching body.  He high-fives several orderlies, winks at adoring candy stripers and graciously accepts a bouquet of roses from a small woman in a raincoat and thanks her with a kiss on the cheek and a few words in French.  Joey Harbaugh finds his way to the surgeon’s lounge and sits down to enjoy a Zagnut and a Fresca when a hospital administrator approaches.

“Joey!  You did it!  I just came from the recovery area and spoke to the President of Botswana’s family and they’re thrilled!  He’s going to live!  The peace treaty will be saved and millions of people will have peaceful and more prosperous lives.  It’s your 1,463^rd life-saving surgery since 2009 alone and this one was the very best!”

Joey Harbaugh swallows a bit of Zagnut and washes it down with Fresca and smiles at the man with the fish tie.

“Thanks, Mr. Poe.  But you know, I don’t save anyone.  It’s teamwork.  I just help the team to help the patient who then saves themselves and then, hopefully, brings peace and joy to Botswana and perhaps 1/20^th of the world’s population.”

Mr. Poe smiles and nods.

“Joey, you’re more than a brilliant surgeon, a mensch and a crafty backgammon player.  You’re a leader, you’re a savior, you’re a quarterback…”

Joey stares daggers into Mr. Poe who clutches his clipboard in terror.

“I mean…Dr. Joey…I’m sorry, I, uh, meant to say…”

Joey Harbaugh smiles.

“Just kiddin’, buddy.  Want some Zagnut?”

Dear Chicago,

Thank you so much, once again, for all your kindness, hospitality and climate change-friendly December weather during our latest visit to your lovely town.

To be honest, at first we weren’t sure how we would be treated by you big city folk knowing our reputation for leaving the seat up, and also scoring touchdowns in rapid fashion.

But, not to worry, your graciousness and neighborly ways eventually shone through as you promptly stepped out of the way of our receivers, committed penalties against our defensive backs, and refused to take advantage of silly mistakes by our special teams coach and place kicker.

In these troubled times of fiscal cliffs, downsized McRibs and 48-frame Hobbits it’s nice to know there are certain things we can always rely on: things like the slobber of a puppy just after you’ve shaved, the piercing squeal of your cousin’s slacks as he slides off the couch, the smell of ketchup in the trunk on the last night of finals, and the inability of border neighbors to execute on third down.

Some would suggest it would only be right for us to accompany our appreciation with some friendly advice, and perhaps even constructive criticism.  No.  We don’t feel it would be appropriate to suggest to others how they should conduct their secondary and assign their blocking.  Isn’t a true friend one who lets their old pals figure it out for themselves?  Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day.  Teach a man to fish and he’ll eat for a lifetime.  Show a man how to scout college players and he’ll be drinking your Pabst, driving your Buick and blitzing your wife.  At the same time.

Friendship, like Carl’s Jr., is not a place, but a journey.  It is a passage through rejection, tobacco and satellite dishes dripping with icicles of what you hope is Mountain Dew.  Friendship knows no limits or rules but, regrettably my chum, it does have uprights, sidelines and end zones.

And while we cannot direct you as how to navigate these obstacles we can assure you how greatly we appreciate all you have done and continue to do for our happiness and Frequent Winnebago Miles.

Sadly now, for us, we part ways until next year.  Until that time if you ever feel lonely or curious you can just do what you have done for some time now: look up and see us.

Love,

Green Bay.

P.S. – Sorry about the jelly stains on the towels.

As my Delta 757 touched down at La Guardia, I was thinking about the evening ahead.  I only had a few hours until a car would be coming to drive me to the screening of the film “Bell Rung.”  I had been credentialed to cover the documentary by Executive Producer, Dorsey Levens.  Levens played his college ball at Notre Dame and Georgia Tech and spent 10 seasons in the NFL (named All-Pro in ’97).  The title “Bell Rung” comes from a term used in football circles to describe the violent, jarring of the brain when hit.  I reported on the “Bell Rung” premiere 8/7/12 held at the Plaza Theater in Atlanta.

My car was scheduled to arrive at 6pm for the 30 minute drive to the Schomburg Center in Harlem.  He was 20 minutes late, which was unforeseen—I was steamed to say the least—as it had been arranged a week prior.  Being a Cali-girl, this was only my second visit to New York.  As I sat in the back seat and took in the City, I was concerned that I wouldn’t arrive before the film started.  My mind wandered to how many times in life we are presented with the unexpected and at times, life-changing events, which are out of our control.  I was pondering these thoughts as I noticed that we had driven past the same fruit stand twice.  I asked the driver if we were close and he said, “Yes, 5 minutes away.”  Somehow I didn’t believe him.  No, we were not close.  We were lost!  It was like Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride at Disney Land.  This was not what I had in mind for this evening!

Perhaps that’s the way Ellis Hobbs felt (we meet him in Dorsey’s film) as he ran out onto the field in Philadelphia—he didn’t know that he was playing his last game and this would be his last run-back—not exactly what he had in mind.  “It was pretty quiet and I couldn’t hear anything,” Hobbs recalled.  “It was a clear night and the stars were out and it was just so quiet.  I could hear the wheels on the grass and then I heard the wheels click on the concrete, and then the whistle blew.  That’s when I knew the game had moved on without me.”  My wild ride through the streets of NYC was an inconvenience.  That night, the 21^st of November, 2010, was a life-changing event for Mr. Hobbs.

Dorsey will be screening “Bell Rung” in Boston, October 18, 2012 at Northeastern University at 7pm.  My hope is that when this film arrives in your city, that you will make the time to see it.  Most of us will never play professional football and it’s difficult to understand exactly what these guys are going through.  This Documentary gives you an “up close and personal” look at some of the health issues they are currently living with.

In life, we are all faced with certain challenges.  It seems that, some days – I’m just “three and out.”  The next week, I’m gaining some yardage and all of a sudden something comes off the edge and BAM!  You know what I mean?  Maybe your new job isn’t turning out the way you were hoping, your son didn’t get accepted to the school of his choice, the marriage you tried very hard to fix, and the friendship you wanted to mend—you get the idea.  Then, it may be time to drop back and punt.  That’s okay.  The game’s not over.  And the deal is, you’ll get the ball back.  You will.  Now—look up and read the defense.  What are your options?  Is what you’re facing inconvenient or life-changing?  You decide and call the right play.

If the NFL has not seemed as fun or attractive the last two seasons it could be because of the absence of Lilly Robbins, one of the most beautiful cheerleaders and charming personalities to ever grace a football sideline.

Lilly cheered for the Miami Dolphins from the 2006 through 2010 seasons, a period in which the fighting water mammals made just one playoff appearance but led the league in fans who dreamed of a better life with the stunning blonde with the gorgeous grin.

Ms. Robbins now works as an events coordinator in the Miami area and Leatherheads of the Gridiron caught up with her recently over the phone which was good, because had we spoken to her face-to-face the only words we probably could have managed would have been “wow” and “uh-huh.”

LOTG: What do most football fans not know about the life and work of an NFL cheerleader?

LR: It’s a lot of work. There’s a lengthy audition process that lasts three-to-four weeks in the spring and then we would train all summer long.  All that work goes toward getting to game day in August.

LOTG: It’s worth the effort?

LR: Absolutely!  The games are so much fun.  That’s what we live for.  The main reason anyone tries out is for that chance to be on the sidelines for a home game in front of 75,000 fans.  It’s at that point you say, “This is why I wanted to come back again.”

LOTG: All that work and all that pressure and all the glory, just like the players.  They make millions.  Do cheerleaders?

LR: (laughs) Uh, no.  Everyone has a full-time job or is a full- time student.  We’ve had lawyers, doctors, one girl was a professor.  We would practice three or four times a week and that was after work or school.  And, just like the players, there’s no guarantee that just because you made the team you’ll stay on the team.  Some girls can’t take it.  And, it’s also a physical grind; one girl tore her ACL in pregame warm-ups once.

LOTG: Thousands of men go to NFL games to watch football.  Millions go to watch the cheerleaders.  Have you ever had someone express their admiration for you a little too much? (And if he looked like me I swear it’s a coincidence.)

LR: Some things go with the territory.  Guys will yell things and when you’re at an event you never know what it’s going to be!  But I’ve never had a really terrible encounter with a fan.  In fact, many “fair weather” fans still want to have their picture taken with you, some of them because their team doesn’t have cheerleaders.  For the most part everyone is very respectful.  I have seen some fights in the stands, but never on the sidelines.

LOTG:  You mentioned that some NFL teams don’t have cheerleaders.  My team, the Chicago Bears, got rid of their cheerleaders after the 1985 season, the year they won the Super Bowl, and they haven’t won it since.  Is that why?

LR:  That’s right, should have kept those Honey Bears!

LOTG: The replacement referees seemed to know nothing about football.  Or math, speaking, shoe-tying, etc.  How about cheerleaders?  Do they understand the game they’re watching?

LR: Yes!  We must know the game.  We are actually given a quiz.  We see the field and watch every play in part to make sure we’re not hit.  One Dallas cheerleader was hit recently.  When you’re at an NFL game there are a lot of distractions and you must pay attention, so you must know the game!  It’s a safety issue and you need to cheer for the right reasons.  Also, I grew up watching football and I know the game.  It’s more exciting that way.

LOTG: Is it easier to cheer when the team is winning?

LR: Yes, it’s tough when the team is doing badly but it’s our job!  It’s still a great opportunity to be out there but ten times more fun when we win.  But, when we would lose, some fans would say, “the team got killed but we enjoyed watching you.”

LOTG: We all know that “You gotta be a football hero to get along with the beautiful girls” (very old song) so, are players and cheerleaders allowed to socialize?

LR: We actually rarely see the players.  We’re their biggest supporters and fans, but it’s not a social atmosphere.  Our training camp is separate and we don’t even practice in the same facility.  It’s not like we all go to school together!  It’s a professional team and atmosphere.  We conduct ourselves as ladies.

LOTG: Maybe the song should be “You gotta be a football blogger to get along with the beautiful girls…”

LR: (silence)

LOTG: Whoops, had my hand over the phone!  Um, like I was saying…women have made great strides in sports and are now very accomplished athletes.  Does it seem quaint or outdated to still have women rooting for men?

LR: Cheerleading will always be a part of the game in a great way.  Football and cheerleading are amazing American traditions.  Women are excelling as athletes, the Olympics are a great example of that in volleyball, swimming, etc.   Women are the reason the U.S. led in the medal count!

Cheerleading is not becoming too quaint.  Women are voicing themselves more than ever.  And remember, cheerleading is the most dangerous sport in the NCAA.  There were a record number of injuries last year.  We dance, we kick, a lot of strenuous activity.  It’s not an easy gig!  It’s real hard work, not just anyone can do it.

LOTG: You also appeared in “Maxim” magazine, something that we here at Leatherheads of the Gridiron know about strictly for research purposes.  Do you have any modeling or acting in your future?

LR: “Maxim” was fun, they made us feel very important, and I did appear on “Louie” on F/X and if something came up, maybe.  But no, I’m not pursuing modeling or acting right now, I’m really focusing on my new career, not modeling.

LOTG: Damn.

LR: What?

LOTG: Um…anything you’d like to add?

LR: Cheering for the Dolphins was the best five years of my life.  It gave me great experiences, great travel, and things not everyone can say they did.  I wouldn’t trade it for anything, and I’m still involved with the Dolphins.  The team is still a big part of my life.

LOTG: So…do you ever visit Chicago?

LR: I was just there in August.  It’s a great city.

LOTG:  Three words: “Lilly Robbins Keshner.”

LR: Um…I think my cellphone is dying…

LOTG: Thanks so much for your time, Lilly.

LR: Thank you!

You can hear the smile in Lilly Robbins’ voice as she drives off into the Florida sunset.  It’s the other sideline of life.  It’s a million yards away.