September 28, 2016
The Chicago Bears are 0-3 and, like a fat guy running toward a half-price buffet, show few signs of turning it around soon.
The latest slobknocker suffered by our friends in orange and blue came at the hands of the Cowboys in a 31-17 decision in Dallas that, for the Bears, came for the second straight week in primetime following a 29-14 Week 2 Monday night loss to the Philadelphia Eagles which came on the heels of Week 1’s 23-14 scrotum kick against the Texans in Houston.
These are the starting quarterbacks who have topped the Bears so far this season: Brock Osweiler, Carson Wentz and Dak Prescott. Wentz and Prescott are rookies and Osweiler has fewer starts than a Pinto on a winter morning.
Yet each of them walked away from their battle with the Bears with a clean jersey and a W. Meanwhile, Jay Cutler is hurt, Brian Hoyer is scrambling and Gary Johnson appears more likely to have his hand on a bible in January than the Bears are to be printing playoff tickets.
A lot of this is just bad luck. The Bears have so many injuries on defense that John Fox has Wally Chambers and Vestee Jackson on speed dial.
Nosetackle Eddie Goldman missed the Cowboys’ game along with linebacker Danny Trevathan and linebacker Lamarr Houston who is now done for the season. Bears cornerback Kyle Fuller has not played all season and is now also on injured reserve. Linebacker Pernell McPhee has yet to play this year and first round pick Leonard Floyd is so skinny he can barely fit two numbers on his jersey.
As a result, the Cowboys ran for 199 yards against the Bears, 140 of those yards on the legs of rookie Ezekiel Elliott – the Greatest Living Buckeye.
And when Elliott wasn’t running over the Bears, Prescott – a fourth round pick – was picking them apart: 19/24, 248 yards, one passing touchdown, one rushing TD and he was not sacked, was not injured and not even, as far as we know, slightly insulted.
The game wasn’t entirely bad. Bears rookie running back Jordan Howard showed spark for the second straight game with a 36-yard gallop and, believe it or not, the Bears actually were a play or two – and maybe even a questionable call or two – from making it a contest late in the game.
But that’s like saying Nipsey Russell had a chance to win an Oscar but, you know, he didn’t.
How did this season become so tenebrous so quickly? We weren’t thinking Super Bowl but we really did not expect 0-3 and dreams of Deshaun Watson, either.
Now the Detroit Lions come to Soldier Field. Detroit is 1-2 but these Lions – this is true – have beaten the Bears six straight times. But this year is different. And, so far, not in a good way. – TK