January 18, 2018

Lions 20, Bears 14: Santa Hates Children and Animals

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, another bad Bears QB.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me…ok screw it, this is going to get old quickly.

The Chicago Bears tried to play Grinch to the Detroit Lions on Sunday at Soldier Field but, despite a spirited effort, ended up being nicer than naughty and fell to those blue animals 20-14.

It’s the fifth straight defeat for the Bears who haven’t won a game since before Thanksgiving.  The first Thanksgiving.

This defeat did look different than the previous nine, however, because after much drama and many turnovers, the Bears decided this past week to sit down quarterback Jay Cutler and handed the sleigh over to Jimmy Clausen who had not started an NFL game since back in 2010, a simpler, more sanguine time in American history.

Clausen, once he wiped off the cobwebs, was not too bad, completing 23 of 39 passes for 189 yards, two touchdowns and one interception. But honestly, if Cutler had put up those exact same numbers Bears fans would be spitting in his eggnog.

The Bears’ defense did an honorable job of keeping Jimmy in the hunt by coming up with two interceptions off Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford who at times looked like he, not Clausen, was the quarterback who has been picking splinters since “Lost” went off the air.

2010 was also the last year the Bears made the playoffs, a drought that some hard-drinking mystics thought would end this year but, at 5-10, the only game the Bears will be playing in January will be “Avoid the Hatchet Man” but in that game most Bears supporters are not hoping for a victory.

It’s going to be a tough Christmas week at Halas Hall. The Bears will be watching other teams open postseason presents whereas the Bears will not only get coal in their stockings but a stye in the eye. If they’re lucky.

Clausen played OK, the defense tried and if not for a play here and a mistake there, the Bears could have pulled this one out. But what does any of it mean? What football Gods are being served? Are we any closer to knowing what this Bears team will look like next year or even next week?

In the season finale will the Bears turn to third string QB David Fales because what the heck, why not, we have to know our options?

This is supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year” but the only line from that song that’s resonating in Bearland is also the most curious lyric: There’ll be scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmases long, long ago.

Does anyone really tell ghost stories at Christmas? The Bears have been seeing scary stuff since before Halloween. Let us gather around the Christmas hearth and try not to be afraid, Bears fans. Let’s remember the glories of Christmas past and know that they can be re-lived.

Just so long as Santa brings us that VCR we’ve been asking for.